By Gwenn Voelckers
If you are facing Thanksgiving alone for the first time, you may be
anticipating a lonely and depressing fourth Thursday of November. But it
doesn’t have to be so. Whether you’re divorced, widowed or just can’t make it
home for Thanksgiving, this family-centered holiday can be an opportunity for
personal growth and expression. Plus some fun, too! Below are some tips and
creative ways to manage and embrace what can be a challenging day in the life
of those alone this time of year.
• Be thankful — And why not start with yourself? Consider making a list of all
the things you are thankful for this year: Your health? Your children? Good
friends who have stood by you through thick and thin? A career or volunteer
job you love? A beloved pet? Or perhaps even this opportunity now to
experiment and learn new things about yourself?
• Take the long view — While you may be alone this year, it doesn’t mean
you’ll be dining solo on leftover turkey the rest of your life. This one day
doesn’t dictate your destiny.
Who knows what the future holds? Over the next year, you may meet someone
special or achieve a measure of inner peace and confidence that enables you to
enjoy a holiday on your own or with a “family of friends.”
• Do good — Helping others this time of year can take your mind off being
alone and give you something worthwhile to do. Shelters and food kitchens
often welcome volunteers, but, truth is, many of these agencies fill up fast
with regular volunteers. You may need to plan and be creative.
As an alternative, many local YMCAs host Turkey Trots and need volunteers to
register and cheer on runners of all ages. Instead of serving stuffing at the
shelter, you could be serving up smiles at the finish line.
• Throw your own little holiday dinner for fellow “strays” or “untethered”
friends — Have some fun! It doesn’t need to be elaborate or even planned far
in advance. Sometimes last-minute dinner invitations can turn into the best,
most memorable get-togethers.
Chances are you know others who may be alone this Thanksgiving. Extend a warm
invitation and invite your guests to bring along a beverage or holiday
side-dish to pass. This gives everyone a chance to make a meaningful (and
delicious!) contribution.
• Beware of “euphoric recall” — When you are feeling lonely, it can be easy to
glorify the past. Did last year’s Thanksgiving live up to the Norman Rockwell
ideal? Or did all the bickering, bad blood, and woozy, overstuffed relatives
make you want to run for the hills? Maybe, just maybe, being with your own
good company is a blessing.
• Rent a movie and indulge in a tasty guilty pleasure — Oh, why not? Rent a
favorite “feel good” film and make a night of it. You might check out
“Tootsie” or “On Golden Pond,” two of my favorite oldies, which never fail to
warm my heart.
Or find a new movie you haven’t seen and enjoy the novelty of seeing something
for the first time. Top it off with a favorite treat. I love everything
pumpkin this time of year: pumpkin soup, pie, ice cream and fry cakes!
• Pick up the phone — I’ve modified one of Abe Lincoln’s famous quotes for my
own purposes: “Folks are usually about as lonely as they make up their minds
to be.” The difference between isolation and engagement can be as simple as
sending a text or dialing a seven-digit phone number.
My experience happily tells me that most folks welcome a call on Thanksgiving.
Why not pick up the phone to connect with out-of-town friends and family
members? Catch up and make their day, as well as yours, a little richer.
Or connect locally with a neighbor or friend with an invitation to go for a
walk around the block or see a matinee while the turkey is in the oven. Many
folks welcome the diversion and chance to get out of the kitchen before or
after the big feast.
• Decorate your home inside and out. — Do it for you. It may help put you in
the spirit of the holiday. This past weekend, I recreated my annual
stacked-pumpkin display for my front porch. It gives me a warm feeling every
time I pull up to the house.
Add harvest accents to your home and feel the essence of Thanksgiving in your
heart.
• Nurture yourself — On your own, Thanksgiving can be a great day to do
whatever you enjoy doing. Carve out well-deserved time to read, do some early
online shopping for the holidays, give yourself a manicure or whatever tickles
your fancy.
On Thanksgiving Day, I plan to nurture myself with a solo walk in the woods,
where I find peace and feel connected to all living things: trees, birds,
critters and insects — even creatures I can’t see within the ponds,
underground and in the sky.
I never feel alone when I’m in nature and use the time alone to count my
blessings and be grateful.
So pamper yourself for at least 30 minutes and take a mini-vacation from your
worries, doubts and fears. Then seize the day with a renewed outlook on life.
• Write “thank you” notes — Now here’s an idea that’s so obvious it often gets
overlooked on Thanksgiving. “Build bridges the rest of the year, and cross
them during the holidays,” said Craig Ellison, PhD, author of “Saying Goodbye
to Loneliness and Finding Intimacy.” If you can’t be with friends or family
this holiday, pick up a pen and thank them for their support and friendship.
Who wouldn’t love to receive a hand-written card after Thanksgiving that
begins, “I’m sitting here on Thanksgiving morning thinking of you. On this day
of thanks, I can’t help but be thankful for our (fill in the blank).”
In preparation for this kind gesture, purchase cards and stamps in advance.
There you have it: Survival tips for a single-serving Turkey Day. The good
news? It will be Friday before you know it and you can look back and be proud
of yourself for rising to the occasion and treating yourself to big helping of
joy and gratitude this Thanksgiving.